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September, 2000
Freedom and happiness

In Canada, and in North America, we pride ourselves on freedom. We are an anything-goes kind of society. Don't hurt or impede anyone else, and you're free to live however you want. It really is a great achievement, this tolerance, this coexistence of such extremely different minds. People in Canada are free to devote their lives to their families and to raising good children, or to devote their lives to other people's rooftops and to raising neighbourhoods of beautifully identical houses. People can be ambitious or laid back, sportive or artisitic, militant or pacifist, heterosexual or homosexual, religious or secular, etc. We all enjoy this freedom on a perpetual basis, but some of us remain unaware of the insidious dark side of this happy laissez-faire atmosphere: fear.

People in this culture are always adding caveats or qualifiers to many of their statements. Since the prevailing attitude in our culture is an emphasis on difference (with St. Albert lagging somewhat behind in that area), we have internalized the possibility of being seen by others as pretty much anything. Our most important right is our right to be ourselves, and, as the less eloquent among us are often heard to retort, "It's a free country". As Voltaire, one of the more eloquent writers of the western world, wrote, "I disagree with what you say, but I will die fighting to defend your right to say it." Thus we don't feel we know someone very well when we first meet them; indeed, it is socially unacceptable to claim that we do, for having an opinion of someone before we "get to know them" is quite the taboo in our culture.

This is why people are always adding little safe-tags to their sentences, such as "Not that I'm not a Reform/Alliance follower…", or "It's not like I'm a hippie or anything," or "Now that doesn't mean I'm American." Of course, people are especially adamant about sexuality. It is fascianting how often people will, in everyday conversation, make sure that their sexuality is not in question. The slightest gesture towards someone of the same gender can evoke little "just kidding around" or "ooh, what's up with you two" quasi-jokes. Of course, real gestures of affection between men are strictly forbidden in our "free" culture.

I spent a month in Turkey this summer and noticed a striking difference from home. Turkey is likely the most liberal of officially Islamic countries, but it is still very homogenous and community-based. (St. Albert residents claiming to be "community-oriented" should visit the Balkans.) All the men look the same; lifestyles vary minimally. They are kind and open to foreigners, because foreigners are not bound by the standards of their culture. But otherwise, the predominant attitude is one of sameness. They are patriotic and fraternal, and belonging is the prevailing instinct.

This allows for surprising freedom. The standard greeting is to kiss both cheeks, regardless of gender. Most are not reserved, tentative, or evaluative with strangers, and most are not preoocupied with "getting to know" someone before relating to them. They have an unrestrained temperament of rejoicing. Stangers on the street invitied me to dine with their families. Men dance together, link arms, kiss, and basically act like close brothers. Their social instinct is not towards lifestyle difference, but towards human sameness.

While it is unlikely that we could or should give up our creed of freedom, "free" and "liberal" Canadians should ask themselves how free they'd feel about adopting another country's custom of kissing each other. Our freedom may have a stifling effect on our capacity for joy and understanding.

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